Why do some people break up and still be friends?

How painful it is to break up an intimate relationship, maybe only after experiencing it. It may affect all aspects of our lives, ranging from drunkenness, drunkenness, and workaholics, to inability to go to work, sleep, eat, and even substance addiction, resignation, leave school, and leave trauma…

We begin to see the lover as a part of who we are—merging our own qualities with those of our partner, our memories with those of our partner, our identities with those of our partners. To a certain extent, this overlap of the two selves can be a good part of a relationship. But it also means that when the relationship ends unfortunately, the loss of a romantic partner also leads to a loss of self.

It is conceivable that in this “not sober” situation, we may want to continue to be friends with our ex, or make a promise to be as friendly as yesterday, but in the weeks to months after a breakup, people It will slowly get better with the help of “resilience”, which is a series of traits and abilities that can help each of us cope better and recover as soon as possible after major stress and danger. We find our independent selves and move forward. We will gradually let go of our dependence on the previous relationship and will not continue to sink into negative thoughts.

Falling in love does raise the threshold of happiness somewhere in the brain, but this process is not irreversible, just like getting used to the stimulation of big fish and meat, and suddenly returning to the days of noodles in clear soup, you may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, there is no enemy time passed. Coupled with the brain’s natural forgetting process, even the most beautiful details will fade over time. Ten years later, no pain or itching.

Recently, Justin Mogilski and Lisa Welling, two researchers at the University of Auckland, asked more than 500 people to rate the question “What makes two people want to stay friends after a breakup?” The items included 153 possible The reason for this.

After analysis, the reasons for keeping friends after breaking up can be summarized into 7 categories:

1. “This relationship has made me a better person.” - trust and remembrance

Breaking up doesn’t have to make each other ugly. Maybe the other person is the reliable, patient, and listening person in your mind. After all, they have been with you for a long time, know you better than anyone, and can give you advice and directions at critical moments. Or you have similar values ​​and hobbies, and you support each other’s ideals. Even if you lose the only one, it is rare to know each other.

This is also the most important factor in the selection of the subjects.

2. "I keep it useful~" - real benefits

Legend has it that some of your exes are rich, lavish, and take you in and out of high-society situations. One might think that despite the loss of this big fish, it would be nice to catch other big fish in the same pond. Even if you don’t have that much money, there may be other “residual values”, such as being willing to help you repair electrical appliances, attract contacts, and bring convenience to life and work.

There are also some predecessors who look like potential stocks with a bright future. You are prepared to observe secretly, maybe one day it will come in handy. In short, this world belongs to scheming boys/girls, btw, the more extroverted and hostile children feel, the more important real interests are. Although this is generally the most irrelevant factor for the subjects, it is also quite uplifting to look at.

3. "I would love without your permission" - Attraction continues to be online

After breaking up, there are always people who don’t want to watch the other party disappear from their life completely. The various versions of the “Composite Guide” on the Internet can also be described as profound, and I would like to pay tribute to those predecessors who have the ability to execute MAX! Of course, there are also those who love to be stubborn. They obviously didn’t turn the page, but they pretended to be nonchalant and pretended to be generous. Face is hung up, but this kind of friendship seems to be sadder the more you experience it.

4. "We've all started a business together to raise children, how can we just say we're done" - Raising children and sharing resources

If you are inseparable from children and careers, that’s fortunate, but there are also people who are jointly burdened with debt. In addition, a small group of people choose to “live together after marriage” or even “hide the divorce”, claiming that they are together to give their children a better growth environment, but the actual reason is not necessarily the case.

5. "It's more calm if you don't love" - Attraction gone

Hong Kong really, if you have let go of this love from the inside out, there is really nothing to break up with. No matter if you broke up after just a few days of being together, or you just planned to give it a try, or if your sexual attraction is 0, there is no urge to go beyond friendship. Well.

6. "Breaking up doesn't mean breaking up your social circle, right?" -Maintain the original social relationship

“We have a lot of mutual friends. It’s impossible to make a special appointment every time, and we don’t want to come out and embarrass other friends.” Remember Rose’s wife in “Friends” who asked her to break up with Rachel? All my friends say it’s not fair, how is it possible that Rose and Rachel have known each other for so many years now that the six are playing so well? Although Rose is also determined to break up the relationship, the final choice is still to break up with his wife (of course not only for this reason). At the end of Season 10, finally getting back together with the goddess Rachel (well, a meaningful laugh). Of course, in reality, this reason is most often used as an excuse to break up with your ex or maintain friendship, and you need to be cautious when making friends.

7. "The ex was also a tacit sexual partner." - sexual needs

Even though we are no longer together, I still want to appreciate her graceful crease skills from time to time. You know.

Why do you guys want to open this article? If it’s not you, but your partner happens to have a close ex, then you might be looking a little bit right here.

Don’t be square, hold me tight. You might be wondering, do people really go back to being friends after a breakup?

In 2005, Carl Schneider and David Kenny did an interesting study of heterosexual groups, comparing people’s friendships with their exes and ordinary heterosexual friendships.

The results show that the two relationships are still very different, with more attachment and romantic components in the friendship between exs, but a significantly lower overall quality. The pure friendship of the opposite sex is of higher overall quality and has more positive qualities. Therefore, “ex-love” does contain a certain degree of reluctance, not all pure friendship.

In general, staying in touch after a breakup is because people continue to exchange a lot of resources with their ex, such as love, social connections, status, information, and benefits. Another study shows that in the open-minded Netherlands, 50% of couples still keep in touch between 2 and 10 years after divorce

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