The experience of an open relationship is like an adventure. Infinite scenery is on the dangerous peak, but it is not suitable for everyone.
1. Open relationships are relationships first, openness second
To understand an open relationship, both openness and relationship are two important points. First of all, it is a relationship, which means that it has the characteristics of a relationship – stability and connection, the contract about emotion between the two parties still exists, and the characteristics of trust, interaction, and integrity are attached to the general relationship. still exists. All subsidiary relationships are developed on the basis of the main relationship, which is why open relationships and promiscuity, fraternity, and polyamory are not the same concept. After you understand the nature of the relationship, you should talk about openness second. The so-called openness means openness in form. Freedom; followed by openness in attitude, no stalking, no possessive tearing at each other, games and disputes without rights, both parties are free and understand each other, and feelings still come first.
2. Open relationships are more common than we think
Open relationships seem to be against the mainstream of “monogamy”, but their existence is more common than we think. According to a 2016 survey by the American Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, one in five Americans has experienced an open relationship. ELLEMEN Digital also conducted a survey on open relationships in the “Ask 30 Chinese Men” series published in April 2017. Among them, 18 men said they refused to recognize open relationships, and half of the remaining 12 had open relationships. open relationship, half are willing to accept or try an open relationship.
3. Love and sex can be separated from each other.
“Can sex and love be separated?” is a question that has existed for a long time since sex entered the field of public opinion, and the answer is yes in an open relationship. Sex is about the body, about the original pleasure, it is more like a game, or in the eyes of some people, it can also become a condiment. People use sex to explore themselves, explore their desires, and achieve physical perfection and fulfillment. A pleasant sexual partner is more of a suitable playmate or a coordinating partner. Emotions are more about the compatibility of each other’s souls, the harmony in character, the consistency in cognition and so on. A lover is admired, respected and even worshipped, but a lover is not necessarily. Sex may give the illusion of love, but as long as it stops at sex, it’s not love. Sex and love can be separated, which is the premise of an open relationship.
4. Open relationships are built on trust
A lot of people who try an open relationship have the fear that we let our loved ones spend time with others and do the most private things. They caress, and then see each other in the most primitive, wild and warm in the breath, sweat, and love liquid. After a long time, will that kind of sex simply stop between the bed and the bed, and whether they have handed over their lover to him. to a third party? There are also people who suspect that their partner has cheated in an open relationship, a secondary relationship has developed into a main relationship and they are still kept in the dark. In fact, such worries have deviated from the original intention of an open relationship. The opening of the core of an open relationship is to restore the freedom of both parties in love, so that love can love, and sex can have sex. Love is not the shackle of sex, and sex is also Not the fetters of love. In fact, the practitioners of an open relationship should be based on the foundation that both parties are confident enough to understand their own charms. They understand what they love and what they are after. Even if such two people really have different feelings for X partner, they will inform each other as soon as possible. Only then should they try an open relationship. Otherwise, worrying about gains and losses and being jealous of each other will eventually deteriorate the open relationship.
5. A good open relationship should be evenly matched
An open relationship can actually be seen as a combination of main relationship and subsidiary relationships. In this combination, each part influences and complements each other. Subsidiary relationships are the auxiliary of main relationship. The experience of an open relationship is like an adventure. The two people in the main relationship are still communicating and negotiating to confirm mutually acceptable standards. Open and candid communication is based on the consensus of equal status between the two parties, which also avoids to the greatest extent the various adverse consequences caused by the competition between male and female rights, sub and domain in traditional gender relations. Women do not regard men as their only ones, nor do they attempt to obtain long-lasting benefits and material guarantees from men, so they will not stalk them, like holding a piece of driftwood tightly. And men do not regard women as their accessories or prey. After painting the territory, they will be confined to women, like raising an animal. Both sides have the same right to speak and take the initiative, and neither owe each other nor demand from each other.
6. Health issues to be aware of in open relationships
Although the open relationship belongs to the ideal and postmodern level to a large extent, it belongs to a relatively beautiful relationship construction, but the actual health problem still has to be given appropriate attention. The most important principle is safe sex and protect yourself. Verbal and attitudinal candor is essential first, but candor at the level of health reporting deserves more attention. In an open relationship, there may be more and less stable sex partners, and in this case, the possibility of contracting STDs is also higher, especially among gay men. Therefore, it is a responsibility to yourself and your partner to do regular physical examinations and fully understand the situation of the other party in the process of pursuing sex.
7. What kind of person is suitable for an open relationship
Finally, I want to talk about what kind of people are suitable for open relationships, because it is true that not everyone is suitable for open relationships. An open relationship is highly unstable and has a high possibility of generating variables. Although it is free, the division of responsibilities is also more complicated. If you are a person who pursues stability, pursues complete dependence on each other, and integrates with each other, such a relationship will not be so good. suitable. If you want to be with your lover for a lifetime, but when he just wants an open relationship with you, first think about whether he is a selfish ghost who completely ignores your feelings for his own desires, and then think about yourself Whether the bottom line can be changed, after all, there are not so many grievances in love, nor so many compromises and futures.