By Piper Sexton
I had always thought women only have a sex drive when young and fertile. I don’t know if that was just me or a common misconception, but wow, was I wrong! I always considered myself to have a high sex drive for a woman. Then as I got older, my kids grew up and moved out. Then, my thoughts and desires about sex began to change. Big time!
When I was young, my drive was just “I want some sex.” Now, it’s much different. It’s become a need, a demand, a constant burning desire.
I find myself daydreaming and reminiscing about long-lost sessions with my husband from a time when we were both young and couldn’t get enough of each other. We would jump at the chance, whenever and wherever we could, usually daily.
Then, over the years and three kids, family demands grew. Then slowly the time between us dwindled. I never felt like I was missing out or sexually deprived. Time just seemed to fly by.
Then, suddenly, it hit me — Was it menopause, Hormones? Had I finally lost my mind? I’d heard women don’t reach their sexual peak until 40. Was that it? Whatever it was, it switched on an infinite need. Unfortunately, my husband, now in his early 50s, wasn’t as enthused about my new constant sexual needs and demands of him.
I’d also heard men hit their sexual peak around 16 and end around 30. Women don’t start theirs until 15 years later? What was our creator thinking? Now, I’m left suffering from a soul-deep itch, frustrated and alone.
After a while, I started to consider masturbation. As a teenager and young adult, I didn’t explore it much or very successfully. I always had an active enough sex life, so the need just wasn’t there. Oh, how that has now changed!
I have always had a small vibrator, mostly used during sex, but it was never the solo act. It didn’t take long to start enjoy myself. The more I tried, the better I got, and then I discovered other sex toys. I’m amazed at what’s out there now! Thrusting dildos with remotes,vibrators with thumpers, ones that suck and pulse, and curved ones for the elusive G-spot. There are so many rabbit vibrators with various features. There are vibrators for the nipples and endless different variety of anal toys! Am I wrong to want them all?
Maybe my husband is right? Maybe 25 personal toys is a bit much?
Oh! what a world I have discovered while discovering myself. Don’t get me wrong I still enjoy sex and intimacy with my husband very much. I’m now just no longer dependent on what he can provide me in that department. Now if the need is there all I need is some me time and one or two of my new toys and I can achieve full-blown orgasms. Orgasms that rival the ones I have always thought to be my normal. Mind-blowing release that keeps me from going insane…
Thank God we live in a time where masturbation and sex toys are acceptable. They are abundant and easy to acquire discreetly. I feel bad for women that went through this during a time when sex toys weren’t acceptable or accessible.
I know I’m not the only woman to hit this magical age and erupt in sexual hell fire. I’ve had many conversations with women of similar age facing the same issues. I wish we were educated about all of this when we were told about hot flashes and night sweats during the change. I now know, we change all right! A lot more than I ever thought. I wish someone had also told my husband of what was yet to come. Then maybe he wouldn’t of been so blindsided or think I had gone crazy with all of my new emotions and sudden demands for intimacy. I guess we will have to figure it all out together.
I know my quest for peace of mind in this hormonal, emotional, and sometimes lonely phase of my life has been worth it.
Author's name: Piper Sexton
Question
- How a woman views sex as she goes through different stages of life?
- How do you navigate your relationship with your partner in the midst of changing sexual needs and sexual exploration?