In a traditional relationship, men pursue first, and then women measure each other’s contributions, and even measure the value of each other’s long-term support. Like commercializing themselves, they treat themselves as results to the other party.
Or women regard sex as a scarce resource, guard it, and then distribute it as a quid pro quo.
This set still works, it is another way of life and logic of doing things, and it also requires great wisdom to operate. And for women who can live independently, we have too many choices, we don’t have to force ourselves into this set, not to enjoy, but to exchange sex for something.
When I think about sex, I think more about the experience of the moment:
1. Pleasure value
2. Safety
Is the other party an OK teammate, and am I willing to play this game with him?
If you think you want to have sex because of love, and strongly associate sex with love, it does look better, but it is easy to have problems in practice:
– The other party can see who you are, and the other party will use love as bait
– Love makes people blind and forget the bottom line
– Too many emotions of worrying about gain and loss (the other person may not necessarily have sex for love)
Abortion rates are so high in a place where unmarried sex is not on the table.
Women who have a lot of mates but take good care of themselves and enjoy life, and silly girls who only have one boyfriend but have a bunch of problems, are common, aren’t they?
I think it’s a more appropriate and self-consistent concept of sex to not strongly associate sex with love, but to focus on protecting yourself and enjoying the moment. Consider sex and love separately, sex is just about sex, is he a healthy and safe object, will he make me happy, do I want him, do I want it at this moment (who can’t change his mind yet) ), what I like and what I don’t like. In this way, you can protect yourself better, understand your own experience better, and make it easier to do stupid things.
I always love myself. My bottom line, my preferences, and my current emotions all need to be respected, regardless of whether I love them or not. I don’t force myself because of love, and then turn it into a question of whether I’m willing to pay for love.
There were two girls who also told me about their emotional problems after being slag. The results were the same, but their mentality was very different.
A has been worrying about gains and losses for a long time, and he can’t come out for a long time. Why did he treat me like this, and he felt that he was fooled and deceived. She didn’t enjoy the current process, just looking at the result, that was the breakup.
B is also sad, but if time returns to the beginning, “then he and I still have to sleep, he deserves sleep”, “I don’t regret this, it’s all experience”.
If you only pursue results and don’t judge by process experience, you will blame heaven and earth, how difficult it is to be happy, and how difficult it is to be self-righteous.