What is the essential difference between SM and sexual violence? SM looks like it’s an abuser’s game? Is there an unfortunate childhood behind liking SM? SM is essentially a sexual movement that embraces respect.
With the exposure of sexual violence incidents in the past two years, SM has also unexpectedly entered everyone’s field of vision. When many people hear SM, they resist instinctively, feel unacceptable, perverted, and often confused with sexual violence. Today, I will talk about SM with you.
The essential difference between SM and sexual violence
The essential difference between SM and sexual violence
SM is short for BDSM, which refers to the activity that links pain and sexual pleasure. Pain not only covers physical pain, such as dripping wax, whipping, etc., but also mental pain, such as verbal humiliation is also part of SM
SM is usually divided into two roles, one is S (abuser) and the other is M (masochist). The abuser obtains pleasure by inflicting pain on others, while the battered person M obtains pleasure by accepting pain.
The most essential difference between sm and sexual violence is the will of both parties, and the will here is not only the negotiation between the two parties about this matter, but also includes whether the two parties really feel happy in this sexual experience? Not pain.
Sexual violence brings only hurt and pain, not pleasure.
Is there an unfortunate childhood behind liking SM?
Many people associate SM with unfortunate childhoods. If you like masochism and sadism, you must have an unfortunate childhood before you can experience sexual pleasure in this form. There are indeed such cases, because childhood trauma and misfortune in adulthood, through a relatively stimulating form to seek sexual pleasure, is also a way to find self-existence.
But in fact, more SM fans have a happy childhood and a beautiful family. It is precisely because they have never been hurt by sexual violence that they have a higher tolerance and acceptance of this matter.
Children who have experienced multiple sexual violence or some disrespect in childhood have more sensitive psychological reactions than others in adulthood, and are more likely to feel disrespect from others. Instead, they are quite disgusted by this SM.
SM is essentially a sexual movement that embraces respect. In SM, both parties maintain a high level of trust and control over each other’s body, rather than shame and inferiority. It is precisely because of having a relatively complete self-esteem that we can better complete this process. Both parties look for stimulation in the boundaries of sex and respect each other.
M’s body is dominated by S
SM looks like it’s an abuser’s game.
The abuser seems to be standing on high, looking down on the abused. But in fact, the abused is the leader in this movement, and the abuser needs to meet the abused according to the boundaries and needs of the abused. When the abuser yells to stop, the abuser must stop immediately.
I have often seen emotionally strong abusers among the partners who have consulted with me. TAs dominate everything in life and emotions, but in terms of sex, they want to put themselves under the dust, which is actually a very common psychological activity.
In a lot of social news, it often appears that some of the elite and high-level decision-makers are particularly vulnerable sexually or emotionally. Everyone has the need to demand and be demanded. If you have been in a strong position in your life, you will seek the feeling of weakness from other aspects. And SM is one of them.
SM is not a mental unhealthy, and we should look at this kind of sexuality in a more inclusive light. Taking a little pleasure in sex can even increase the emotional connection between two people. But you must pay attention to whether the other party can accept this behavior. If you are not sure whether the other party can accept it, you can discuss with the other party’s attitude towards sm through the third person. If the other party is interested but does not understand, we can do appropriate science. Learn to communicate together.
Finally, no matter it is SM or any sexual preference, it follows the principle of mutual respect, equality and reciprocity, and no matter what sexual activity we are doing, we need to remember it all the time.