Saying “Sex” Out Loud, Without So Much Shame

Is it normal to be a virgin after 20?

According to a previous report released by the French National Population Research Institute (Ined), the average age of French men and women having sex for the first time is less than 18 years old (17.4 years and 17.6 years respectively). At the age of 20, he has no sexual experience and has been left far behind by his peers.

In a 2018 report by the European Times, a 24-year-old French girl named Rebecca was stressed because of her “virgin status”. She worries that it is becoming more and more difficult for her to integrate into the communication between her best friends about bedding, and she is determined to strive for “the first experience of love” before the age of 27.

American drama “Sex Study Room” Season 1
This year, the “virgin complex” has become the object of fierce criticism by a considerable number of young netizens. It is understandable that people call for sexual liberation, emphasizing that women also have the right to pursue sexual pleasure in an open and aboveboard manner. However, when you are 25 or 30 years old, if you still maintain your “virgin/virgin status”, you will be the one who is “behind the times”.

01 The stigmatized "old maid"

The “old maid” entry in Baidu Encyclopedia, which defines her as “over marriageable age”, “old-fashioned neurotic” or “a woman who is irritated and annoyed by trivial matters”, also seems to be in line with most People have always known this term.

However, “as always” does not mean “as it should be”. It is not difficult for us to appreciate the negative connotation wrapped in this title.

It puts age in an extremely important position, and at the same time, “where and where” is still a label used to measure women. The juxtaposition with the “virgin complex” seems to convey the logic: the cleanliness of one’s youth is commendable, but when women have passed the best “fresh season” but still haven’t sacrificed their chastity, they will slip into a virginity. “Abyss” – unloved and no longer worthy of being loved.

In the movie “Diet Men and Women”, the eldest sister who is considered to be an “old maid”
Entering the modern society, when the consciousness of women is gradually awakened, when marriage is no longer a must for women, the title of “old maid” is gradually becoming “outdated”. But this term and the meaning behind it still bring oppression, in another secret way, along with the “sexual liberation” of some women in the new era.

Because under the new trend, there is no shame in enjoying sexual pleasure, but if you don’t “take that step” when you reach a certain age, you will be suspected of some kind of problem:

“Why isn’t she having sex yet?”

“Is she not wanted?”

“Does she have any childhood shadows?”

“Is she frigid?”

Such visits, either curious, playful, or caring, can make women in this state extremely uncomfortable.

In particular, when the people around them “get out of the way” one after another, they may further worry about being “marginalized” and regarded as “different”.

Just as the French sociologist Maudet said: Many women who are still virgins after a certain age will unconsciously file themselves as “abnormal” and hide this “abnormal” in front of their friends. trait. In other words, they tend to blame themselves, questioning whether they have some kind of flaw.

02 Sexual liberation, not "sex casual"

When women face abstract men as sexual objects, women need to be liberated and “affordable”, otherwise they will be labelled as “lack of sexiness” and be left out; When it comes to specific men, “cleaning oneself” is more commendable.

This hidden contradiction and inequality, together with the “old” concept of chastity, such as “doing and not doing”, is the real shackles imposed on women.

In the movie “Bareilly’s Parfait”, the heroine’s identity is set as “old leftover girl”
At the beginning of this century, sex expert Cher Headey once sharply commented: “The so-called sexual liberation movement is nothing but the animalistic, exploitative and oppression of women by a large number of liberated men. Some young women do not seem to know how to Say ‘no’ to men.”

If women only achieve physical “sexual” liberation, it is not really “sexual liberation”. Only when both men and women are liberated in their sexual concepts can they achieve complete “sexual liberation” and true “female liberation”.

03 What we really need is "sexual equality" and "sexual desensitization"

The freedom pursued by sexual liberation is not “must be sexually open”, nor “must be sexually conservative”, but “whether you are selective conservative or sexually open, it should be personal freedom”. And no matter what they choose, no one else has the right to legally or morally oppress them.

Whether it is the common “slut humiliation” today – “dressed so revealing, she must not be a good girl”; or the just emerging signs of “good woman humiliation” – “27 years old and no sex, either no one wants it or Frigidity”, the “difficulties” faced by these contemporary women in real life, all point to the encroachment of male-dominated ideas.

“The Politics of Sex” author Kate Millett believes that the purpose of the sexual revolution is to achieve women’s liberation and achieve gender equality. For women themselves, women’s liberation is inseparable from the awakening of women’s gender awareness, and the solution to the marginalized living situation of women.

I especially want to say to girls, dear girls, you have to take back your body, your lust, and your rights, but not from your mother, nor from a man. In fact, mother and man Nothing has been stolen from you, they are not actually enemies, the power is always in your own hands, in your hands, it’s just that someone lied to you and said no, and you never doubted it. Find out what belongs to you, recognize it, and use it to create what you want.

Whether it is to be a “slut” or a “good woman”, girls should know that this is their own choice, and others have no right to beak.

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