Psychology teaches you how to strike up a conversation

Every acquaintance has to go through that step. But there are always people who can never handle this first step. The first impression is very important, it determines whether people are willing to communicate with you in depth. Psychologists have spent years doing exhaustive research on the effects of various methods of approaching, thank them, bachelors.

In the 1980s, Chris Kleinke and his colleagues studied the effects of more than 100 ways to strike up a conversation in a variety of settings, including bars, supermarkets, hotels, laundromats, and beaches.

They divide the way of approaching into three categories:

1. Get straight to the point, honestly say your thoughts and goals (for example, “I’m a little shy, but I still want to know you”);

2. Today’s weather is hahaha-style, hiding the purpose and pretending to say it (for example, “What do you think of the brand?”);

3. Playing cute and cheap, it seems humorous, but usually looks a bit cheap (eg, “Do you have raisins, girl? No? So do you have a date?”)

The results of the study show that both men and women agree that being cheap is the worst way to start. Women prefer the graceful today’s weather hahaha style, and are more disgusted than men, while men mostly prefer straightforward opening remarks. This situation has been repeatedly verified in all scenarios.

Why is this?

Personality stereotypes play a very important role here. We can’t directly understand other people’s character traits, so we rely on their behavior to judge. According to a research report, people generally think that the graceful way looks smarter and sexier than the cheap way. Another study found that women thought men who acted goofy when approached were more mature, confident and humorous, but at the same time felt less reliable and intelligent.

Women’s aversion to low-key approach is very reasonable: Those who want to develop a long-term relationship tend to use the honest and direct approach, while those who just want to play mostly use the less sincere approach, according to a survey. Come chat.

But on the other hand, if a woman is looking for a dewy relationship, then things are quite different: a survey of college students found that women who want to have a dewy marriage with the man they like won’t do any opening line affect the success rate.

In addition, individual differences are also an important factor affecting the feeling of picking up a conversation. Those who are outgoing and unrestrained are more receptive to humorous and obscene conversations than those who are stable and honest.

Even if all of the above are met, the psychological state of the person being approached at the time will also affect the effect of the approach. We are not machines, we give the same response when we enter the same information. The person who was approached had different thoughts at the time, and the degree of acceptance and reaction to the approach would be different. If you want to get an accurate answer, you must know the exact mental state of the person being approached at the time. But people’s psychological state is really unpredictable, and it will be affected by various influences, including the stress of recent life, and even the emotions generated by the conversation just now. For example, if you have been approached several times in a cheap way, you may feel disgusted by it, and the next time someone continues to approach you in this way, the effect will be very poor.

Fatigue is a very troublesome thing. When the brain is tired, it is reluctant to process information and to mobilize emotions, thoughts, and actions. Like muscles and self-control, the brain has its limits. Once it is broken through, it will take a long time to recover. This has important implications in relationships: for example, when people are in a stable monogamous relationship, they don’t go back and look for another stable relationship, but instead want to have someone full of the opposite sex Attractive people on a short-lived date with a passion and a betrayal of the opposite sex of their partner will give them great pleasure.

So how do you start a conversation when you're tired? How to choose conversational language according to different mental states of people?

In a recent study Gary Lewandowski and colleagues conducted an experiment in which they gave 99 college students a task to describe their most recent trip in five minutes. 99 college students were divided into two control groups, one was the “restricted group”, they were required not to use the letters A and N, and the other was the “unrestricted group”, which did not make any restrictions and requirements. When they were done writing, the staff showed them a very attractive photo of the opposite sex and asked them how they would react if the opposite sex approached them in the three ways described above.

Experiments have shown that those in the unrestricted group are more receptive to low-key approach than the restricted group. Most of the tired restricted group’s reaction to such a low-key approach is to let him go or ignore it. In contrast, students in the restricted group had fewer such responses to indirect approach. The effect of direct chat is not ideal. At the same time, this experiment also proves the above point of view, men prefer direct chatting, women prefer indirect chatting, and hate cheap chatting.

How to explain these situations?

The researchers believe that the cheap way does not require people to mobilize their brains to understand the purpose of approaching people. A tired person would be more disgusted with approaching a conversation, and when the approaching person still strikes up a conversation in a cheap way, this disgust is further strengthened. The indirect approach hides the purpose of the approacher. The person being approached needs to mobilize more brains to think about the intention of approaching someone. The researchers believe that for tired people, it is the best way to strike up a conversation that does not directly reveal intentions and does not cause embarrassment.

It’s important to know that approaching is most common in bars and clubs, where people’s brains aren’t always at their best. To be honest, trying to figure out a person’s true purpose, getting drunk or running to a place full of pick-ups when you’re in a bad mood is not an option. Of course, from another point of view, if you always talk about those boring dirty jokes when chatting with the opposite sex, you have to get rid of this problem and make yourself look smarter – otherwise, you can only be a good The theoretician, but unable to win the girl in actual combat.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Shopping Cart