I think that the anxious attachment personality will easily develop into the M in the SM relationship if it chooses the SM relationship. Anxious childhood is usually accompanied by a sense of abandonment and insecurity, and the company of parents is unstable. For example, after parents give birth to a baby, they take care of their grandmother and then go out to work. It is easier to develop into anxious attachment. Once parents come back, they will always stick to their parents. Keep their attention on yourself. Anxiety, they are okay, they dare to attach themselves to put forward attachment needs, and dare to live in close symbiosis with others. Well, they admit that I lack love, I want love, and I want to pay attention.
Anxiety will become clingy if you get into a relationship. I wish I could ask you if I love me in half an hour. I wish I would kiss and hug me in half an hour. The more I get up, the more interested I get, and I keep repeating the feelings of anxiety and attachment when my parents were not around me in my childhood. The more anxious I get, the more I feel that my parents love me.
The attachment avoidance personality is that they have not developed a stable sense of security and attachment from childhood, but they have developed a defense mechanism that I don’t need you, I am cold, I am strong, I am the controller of the power relationship, I stand I don’t need parents in high positions, and it’s shameful for them to ask for a close attachment, but if others take the initiative to avoid it, they can enjoy intimacy, but they will resist attacking and defensive if they are too close. This kind of parents who avoid attachment come back from work and see the baby and say that they want to kill you, but why are you ignoring us and not being close to us? Avoid pretending not to know my parents and play with myself. The pain of avoidance is that I have never really been intimate with others. I dare not ask for intimacy at all. I wait for others to ask for intimacy to satisfy others. I have to stand in a high position. The king who satisfies others must be someone who begs me to satisfy him and control him. I personally think that avoiding sm is easy to develop into s.
I always thought that S was the leader of the relationship between SM and SM, but later I found out that it was not. With an SM relationship, the accompanying attachment personality is a lot like the anxious and avoidant attachment personality, I guess.
Repeatedly experiencing the long-buried feeling of childhood shame in SM can be transformed into stimulation to activate the body and mind, derived from psychological stimulation, physiological fluid or hard, along with other matrices of shame, guilt, incompetence, anger, anxiety, fear, etc., stimulate the inner stimulation in the addiction to pain Feel your own presence.
I think the SM relationship is a healing tool for self-conscious people, repeating the attachment pattern of childhood, M wants attention, M can’t feel himself, M wants to find the feeling of being humiliated by parents in childhood, M makes demands, It just so happened that S also wanted to experience the feeling of controlling power, and S satisfied M. I think the healing of SM lies in that the psychological crux is felt, vented, aware, and then let go, the sadness flows out, and the healing is complete.
I personally think that on the psychological level, M is more sincere to himself than S, and M is closer to his heart, even if he is ashamed or risky, M can honestly enjoy the stimulation, and S is a little thicker across his heart. S is easier to consolidate the ego consciousness, and M is easier to heal the heart. S is a little adult since childhood, and M is a child who will never grow up.
And I think anxiety and avoidance seem to switch back and forth as the mind grows and develops. If avoidance develops into anxiety, I think it is an improvement work, from self-world to symbiosis with others, and then from symbiosis to personality independence. Of course, it is difficult to develop a safe and independent personality, and it is easy to slag in a romantic relationship, but as long as you continue to do one thing, feel pain, real feelings, anxiety, tearing, fear, etc., you can gradually develop into a safe and independent personality.
Of course, if you have self-awareness and self-awareness, you can also try to choose SM relationship to promote healing.