A few days ago I chatted with my roommates a lot about marriage.
The first introduction was a roommate asking, “If you find out that your partner is cheating, will you decide to divorce or forgive?” There are only four people in the dormitory, but they have very different ideas. loyalty. Another thought she felt her marriage could go on as long as she could stay with each other, and she could forgive her partner’s minor distractions in the process.
Later, I asked the same question to a friend who I think has the most stable and loving relationship with her partner, and her answer surprised me. She said that if it was the past, she might not forgive her, but now she will bring this character into the My current boyfriend, so I think that if the plot is not particularly bad, it can be forgiven. My first thought was, “Does it really lower my bottom line when I’m dating someone?” Then she said, “If he cheats, but he hides it well, I’ll never know, I’ve lived happily ever after, so what does it matter?”
I suddenly realized that this problem is not a simple 0 or 1 problem. There are various forms of cheating in marriage, and it can also extend to many specific situations:
“Is it more unacceptable for spiritual cheating or more unacceptable for physical cheating?”
“If it’s a spiritual derailment, to what extent do you completely fall in love with another person, or just stay in shallow appreciation?”
“What if you cheated, but you concealed it well, so that the other half is still under the halo of happiness?”
Even in response to this question, more bystander situations can be extended:
“If you find out that your friend’s partner is cheating, but the partner makes your friend happy, should you tell them?”
“If your friend cheated, would you tell your partner out of a sense of justice?”
I have asked a lot of friends about these questions, but there are no constructive opinions. Some friends even gossip and ask, “Who cheated on you?” I was speechless.
In the past, when my father cheated, I was still young, and my heart was full of anger. Even now, I can’t fully respect him like my father, but my mother still forgave him. At that time, I analyzed that it was because my mother was not strong enough, whether it was psychological or psychological. material, so she couldn’t help being attached to her father. So I try to make myself good, go further afield, and make myself independent enough not to depend on anyone. Now I am suddenly thinking, is there any other factor affecting my mother’s forgiveness? After all, this seems to be a really complicated issue.
Different people have different standards, and even now there is no open marriage, husband and wife play their own way. I am even thinking, if I really choose one of the strange peach blossoms during this period, I will definitely not be very satisfied with the other party, then can I guarantee absolute loyalty in a long marriage? If the scope of mental infidelity is only appreciation, then facing a partner I am not particularly satisfied with, I must have mentally derailed other men. This may be one of the reasons why I have been unable to fall in love. I don’t want to settle with people I don’t like very much, but I will feel that I am not good enough for people I admire, so I look forward to the future.
I feel that I have not been able to clarify my own standards and boundaries. This is a big problem. How can people not have their own standards? Looking back on what happened in the past year, a lot of things that I don’t want to think about now are because I have no standards and I have to accept it. A lot of things can obviously be avoided. It can be seen that before the next relationship comes, I must determine my own standards and bottom line.