The audience for my composition is for the small group of women who have a good experience after causal sex but are addicted to men. After finishing it, she can’t help but miss each other, and she feels that she wants to stick to each other very sweetly. Staying with men all the time, and even offering money to provide emotional value to each other, I feel that I must be in love with him. And men generally behave passively after casual sex, no longer aggressive towards their female partner, they will be ruthless, and then they will be hot and cold in contact with their female partner.
First of all, as women, we have to accept the fact that we are addicted, and don’t criticize ourselves. It is really impossible for human genes to be bugs at the physiological level. Male genitalia can separate sex and love outside the body, and female sexual organs are inside the body. The cervix, which is the reflex point of the heart, makes it difficult to achieve sexual separation. Below, I would like to quote the physiological reasons for women’s upper head problems after sex described in the book “Spiritual Intimacy” written by Annie Li in Taiwan.
“There is a hormone called testosterone in men, which makes men independent and masculine, active and aggressive, and women have a hormone called estrogen, which makes women want to connect with people and care about other people’s feelings and have a keen sense of sensibility. After sex Both parties secrete oxytocin, which reduces anxiety and stress in women, makes women feel relaxed, happy and comfortable, and makes women feel that only by having this man can they have those happy feelings. Oxytocin has the opposite effect on men, it will increase the number of men When the testosterone level is lower than normal, the man feels that something is wrong and wants to pull away and keep his distance from his female partner, and when the male is not with the female partner At the same time, oxytocin will decrease, testosterone will return to normal high levels, and when the testosterone level of a man is high enough, he will be motivated to be close to a female partner.”
This is the clearest biological reason I’ve seen explained on women’s heads. Of course, there are women who say that I didn’t do it at all. The first reason is that the connection between you and the body and mind is faulty, and the second reason is that men’s skills are really bad. For a woman who has traveled through the past and scratched her heart, she knows the physiological reasons and accepts this layer of genetic bugs, and she learns to take back the energy placed on men and look at herself to upgrade herself. Of course, there are also men who are clingy after finishing the job, but the probability is small and I will not extend the discussion.
This heart-scratching addiction is a necessary exploration process for women. Although it is difficult to be loved, I want to touch it, I want to touch it, I want to stick, but the other party ignores me and doesn’t reply to me, so I don’t feel safe. Lonely Oh, it’s like going back to the time of a little girl who was not seen by her parents, but only after experiencing it can I realize that my animality is animality, my reason is rational, and then I understand that sex is sex and love, and I can subdivide it. Your own feelings or energies are projected precisely.
So how do you deal with the tough times of scratching your head and getting addicted? Earlier, after we women realized that this is a genetic bug and there is nothing we can do about it, we bring back the dependence, expectation, and expectation projected on men, and give ourselves the energy of caring for others or the money to buy clothes, jewelry and snacks for others. , look at how you expect to be treated and loved, see what you are seeking from outside, is it a sense of security, is it dependence, is it the loneliness that has not been embraced since childhood, etc., after seeing it, hugging yourself is not satisfied If you want to cry, you can cry for a while, if you want to scold, you can slap and scold on the pillow to vent it out completely, you can talk to a trusted friend and take a look at yourself In the end why is it uncomfortable, what is the uncomfortable point. You can go hiking by yourself to relax, go on a trip with friends, do things you love and forget yourself, go running in the forest, go to massage, eat delicious food, watch movies, do yoga and aerobic exercise, etc., to love and soothe yourself. In my heart, comfort my heart and say it’s okay, I’m not afraid of Ao, that kind of happiness and comfort is not only given to me by that specific man, I can actually do activities that make myself secrete oxytocin, in fact, I am completely Ability to give yourself a sense of security and fun. This process may not be easy, but as long as you get through it, you will develop a kind of wisdom about how to complete yourself.
These estrogen and oxytocin give us women the characteristics of empathizing with others and connecting with others. Women will secrete a lot of oxytocin after giving birth, and they will pay special attention to caring for their babies. After weaning, they return to a rational state. Sometimes it is too easy to be emotional. Flooding, but this is also a way to leap forward. You can regard the expectation of a man you project as your own loophole, and then fill in your own half loophole until you become self-complete, when you are complete, there is no hole. It also attracts well-rounded men. Suddenly one day you find that as a person, I am actually hermaphrodite. I have both rational and rational strength in me, as well as sensual and full emotions. I am a woman and a man. I really don’t crave someone to fill my holes anymore, I don’t crave a life partner to love me anymore.
Sex is just sex, that’s not the whole of love. Of course, I don’t object to the development of a relationship from sex. Men with traditional values in this society will think that women who develop from sex are casual and not worthy of respect. Women in this situation have the right to retreat without getting into a situation of being disrespected by men, and without having to develop a romantic relationship. We can consider how much love is left when everyone’s oxytocin drops to a normal level. Love has many expressions, not just sex. We women need to observe whether there are common three views in the remaining connections of sex, and whether there is an intersection. Hobbies and interests that come together, whether you have basic respect for each other, whether your living habits can be tolerated, I want spicy food, you want sweet food, I am used to going to bed early and getting up early, you always go to bed late and get up late, I am financially independent, so you have to support you Family, young and old, do we really fit in? If it develops into an intimate relationship, this needs to be considered. Annie Li suggested that women let go after they are free and easy, and wait until they calm down before observing or getting along to decide whether or not to enter into an intimate relationship.
For women in their 20s, 30s and 40s who have never had casual sex, I suggest that they experience other sex or experience others. Without comparison, they don’t know what they like best. The purpose is to know what I like the most. Know how my happiness is achieved. Those women who haven’t experienced it must have their own set of values/a fear/cleanness/sexual shame. I don’t judge, of course, I don’t recommend the harmless little white rabbit in his twenties to have sex at will, but sometimes hunters In the beginning, it appeared as a prey. There are also sayings that women feel that this is messy, they feel that they are ruined, they feel that they are taken advantage of by men, etc. The point is is my body happy, am I living happily as a woman, I am the deepest inside What are my desires, how should I deal with my desires if I am a woman, where do I place my desires, and can I handle my desires the same as men? The casual sex in my values is not to hold down a random man, at least to respect each other’s bottom line for health and safety. Men who objectify women and treat women as cheap goods are disgusting. The basic spirit of cooperation is that I want to experience happiness. He also wants to experience happiness, I am healthy and he is also healthy, we can provide each other with the ability, there is no constraint, no commitment, no agreement binding, it is pure, healthy and free sex.
I hope that more women will be happy and free from body to heart. We have claws to protect ourselves from those who hurt us, and we also have gentle hearts and free spirits.