Humans are social animals that need recognition, praise and love to survive. Therefore, making oneself more attractive, with a little selfishness that is beyond reproach, hoping to win more love from the opposite sex has always been a topic of concern to everyone. .
When it comes to the charm of cultivation, many people will think of the image project for the first time. This idea is correct, after all, appearance is the first impression we leave on others, but if you are too demanding of external perfection, you will have appearance anxiety, or it will damage the charm. Others find a different way, relying on slick social skills, and they want to make themselves look like they have both sides, but because they expose their insincere nature – the legendary “greasy feeling” – people feel repulsive.
So, on the premise of maintaining the “authenticity”, how do you find and radiate your own unique charm?
Method 1: Improve the sense of interaction
I found that the charm of people is not grown out of thin air, but revealed in the interaction with others. No matter how good-looking, rich, or versatile a person is, if they are rejected thousands of miles away, they cannot be said to be an attractive person.
Therefore, the first way to increase attractiveness outside of your own conditions is to learn to interact with people.
The first step in interacting with people is actually very simple. It is to temporarily let go of yourself and focus on what others care about.
That’s right, just call the other party’s name, repeat the key words the other party has said, remember the other party’s small habits, and care about the other party’s current demands, and tell that person with your words and actions: I noticed you, and you can immediately Make people feel good.
Remembering other people’s birthdays and sending your thoughts in time can also make people feel good!
Recently, due to work, I met the owner of a surf shop. In addition to his bright smile, the deepest impression he left on me was that he was very good at interacting with people. The “interaction” here does not mean blindly pouring out one’s own opinions and views, but refers to remembering everyone’s interest points, talking to each other on different topics in a targeted manner, and giving timely feedback.
For example, as soon as he saw me, he asked me if I liked playing board games, and then we chatted endlessly along this topic… Just when I was puzzled, wondering how he knew these details, he He seemed to have seen through my thoughts, and immediately explained the reason.
It turned out that a few days ago, my mutual friend took pictures of my teaching of board games, and he saw it in the circle of friends.
I’m amazed that he can remember what I — a stranger with an unremarkable appearance — did, and that he could recall those memories the first time he saw me, and put them to good use. Later, I learned that this uncle’s hobbies are extremely rich, surfing in summer, skiing in winter, and traveling around the world when he has nothing to do…
So, when I found out he was showing interest in my interests, it didn’t feel like it was just a way of socializing.
He should really be the kind of person who is curious about human beings and the world.
Having said that, apart from caring about other people’s small world, what other ways can we increase the sense of interaction?
A small piece of advice is to have some eye and physical contact.
Whether it’s staring, smiling, shaking hands, touching the head, or hugging, all of these instantly increase intimacy—because humans are more likely to like those who seem to like us, and all of the above are just the right expressions of affection.
However, be careful not to offend others. For example, you are sloppy in appearance, but you stare at others with a foolish smile; you know that you have a problem with sweaty hands, but you hold the other person’s hand; you smell bad, but you forcefully hug and hug people … In this state of being in close contact with people, it is really hard to call it a good impression.
This also illustrates the main point of interpersonal communication: before taking the initiative to contact others, you must first take care of yourself and take care of yourself. Your closeness is pleasant when you are in good shape.
Method 2: Show a sense of contrast
If you say that I am more introverted, I don’t have that great social skills, and I’m not very interested in other people’s lives… In this state, how can I make myself more attractive?
One method that actually works well is to show a sense of contrast.
One of them is to show the contrast of one’s own qualities.
If you are a person who seems to be “quiet”, you can try to show some “noisy” characteristics: singing who likes to sing, dancing who is good at dancing… Even if you are especially good at playing Rubik’s cube, it is enough to create an emotional tension, Make people want to get to know you. If you seem to be a cold person, then the occasional tenderness will also make people shine. And so on.
Another is to find a sense of contrast among the crowd.
Suppose you are a reserved girl and you attend a sorority party. The other girls at the sorority party are lively and talkative, and they also have a lot of common topics, as if they suddenly took the initiative. You don’t deliberately allow yourself to blend in, but instead comfortably show your true face, exuding your unique elegant temperament – ​​this is a sense of contrast.
Accepting a different self and showing it generously is a bonus in itself. Under this circumstance, the first reaction of many people is to cover up and try to cultivate themselves into a “correct” appearance, but this will only cover things up and fail to show their true charm. Because your real charm is not in keeping with the outside world, but in conveying your unique value.
So how do you tap this sense of contrast from yourself?
It is recommended to get in touch with different people in different scenarios, and then between “release” and “close”, find the “blasting point” that makes people shine. Try it more, you will fall in love with you who shines in front of the crowd in a casual moment.