How should we treat cheating?

First of all, for intimate relationships, cheating is the biggest wake-up call for the relationship. In modern society, the role of the third party in an intimate relationship is not necessarily another man or woman. It can be online games, mobile phones, short videos, or even our work, children, and so on. Infidelity means that a certain psychological need of the partner cannot be met in the intimate relationship, so he chooses to look outside. So cheating means first and foremost: There is an unmet need in your relationship.

In particular, there are some romantic partners who cheat too, because human needs are endless, and what he looks for outside a relationship is based on having a good relationship. For example, when some men cheat, it’s not that their feelings for their wives have changed. He just has a fluke mentality and wants to prove that he is still a very attractive and successful man.

In modern society, human beings looking for a partner is no longer like the primitive society to solve the shortage of living materials, but more to meet the “needs of belonging and love”. The “Need Hierarchy Theory” proposed by the famous American psychologist Maslow believes that “the need for belonging and love” is an important psychological need of human beings.

And cheating is destroying the feeling of love, making people feel insecure, and also making the partner experience no sense of belonging. You no longer belong to me, at least not to me alone. Therefore, cheating is first and foremost the destruction of the relationship, and it is also a wake-up call for a person’s lack of sense of security and belonging in the relationship.

Second, cheating is hurting yourself and your partner. Some cheaters feel guilty and live in fearful situations, and once found out, it can even be a relief for them. On the other hand, the person who is “green” will feel deceived and insulted, the collapse of trust, and the damage of self-esteem. It can be said that cheating is harmful to two people who love each other.

One might ask, since it is harm, why choose such a mutually harming behavior. This is likely to be a manifestation of low self-esteem, that is, his inner nature believes that he is not worthy of good love and intimacy, and he does not believe that he has someone who truly loves and likes him. So on the one hand, he lived in guilt and unease, and on the other hand, he hurt his partner to confirm his prophecy, and no one really understood and accepted him.

Finally, not all cheating ends in a breakup or divorce. The reason why a high-quality long-term relationship can continue to deepen is because at many key nodes, after in-depth communication and exchanges, everyone re-acquaints and understands each other and is willing to continue. It doesn’t matter if there is a problem in a relationship, as long as two people are willing to repair, understand and continue, then it’s not a bad thing.

The same is true about cheating. After some people have a deeper understanding of human nature and each other through in-depth communication and exchanges, one party sincerely apologizes, and the other accepts the apology and forgives the other party, and is determined to rebuild trust and continue to work together. This can also make The two people’s intimacy has re-entered a new stage.

Discuss infidelity with your partner rationally, and face infidelity calmly. Infidelity can be just a part of the relationship. Finally, I still want to remind everyone that cheating is really painful, please don’t hurt yourself and your partner in this way.

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