How exactly do we understand “same-sex attraction”?

As an identity, homosexuality has won great rights for the gay community, and it has indeed achieved many positive effects. However, I must point out that this identity stems from political struggles, and the identity of homosexuality is not “natural” for each of us.

So if some friends find out that they have a good opinion of the same sex, don’t judge themselves with the identity of “I am gay, this is the real me”, and then start to fall into a kind of “group distress”. Instead, slowly communicate and feel, and realize that the person you like is this person, or is it the majority of male groups? Experience whether such “like” has played a role in “determining who you are” and “defining your attributes” in your life? If so, choose to be labeled as gay, and then choose to slowly negotiate with family and friends to let them know the real you.

Why do you say that “behavior” and “identity” should be immediately equated with caution?

Let me give two examples, one for the public and one for the academic.

First example. Those who are pursuing a PhD in gender studies are either feminist or gay, and I have many queer friends of the same generation. Because we’re all postmodern Butlerians, we’re open to chatting about the specifics of their sexual preferences. All the boys naturally say that although I have dated all men, I don’t think I am 100% gay. I might like girls one day, but I still have to split up.

If you believe that there is no so-called “steel straight man” in the world, then you can think about whether there is a so-called “steel deep gay” in the world. The so-called “heterosexual or same-sex” sexual attraction is actually the sexual attraction generated by a time period, location, environment, and object of life. Changes may occur if any of the above conditions are changed. For example, some people find themselves in love with a same-sex person at age 40; for example, same-sex sex in the military and prisons.

Second example. The large number of homosexuality in China appeared in the Qing Dynasty. There are many documents that recorded that homosexuality had formed a “fashion” at that time. However, homosexuality has never been an “identity” in Chinese history. There are two main forms of homosexuality records in Chinese history: Gongzi and Shutong; Almost every anthropologist I’ve read thinks this way: Homosexuality in Chinese history is, first of all, a behavior, not an identity; second, it’s a social class relationship, not an emotional one.

Therefore, many of us now often say: history was so tolerant of homosexuality; but in fact, the “homosexuality” in history and the “homosexuality” we call today are not the same thing at all. Historically, it was a power relationship between the upper and lower classes of society accompanied by sexual behavior; it was also a “fashion” in the upper class, just like going to an equestrian club or driving a yacht in today’s upper class. What we call homosexuality today is an identity with deep love that at the same time defines who you are.

So, sexual attraction happens, and “who you are,” the two are related, but not necessarily related. Whether it is an inevitable connection or not, it takes time to slowly think about it. After going through a period of time, think clearly and then define yourself, and this is the time when you are truly responsible for yourself.

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