When I say “support the legalization of gay marriage” recently, people always ask me, “What’s your business?”
Never thought about it carefully, but I know it has a lot to do with me.
I have a group of gay friends who became acquainted with a 517 ride. Before that, I wanted to be a “good girl” and disciplined myself all the time, “Is this not good?” There was an unconscious ignorance mixed with a conscious fear of not understanding. At that time, I knew almost nothing about sex and gender. I am very grateful to this group of friends, their support and companionship has accelerated my awakening of gender awareness. I am a sexual minority in front of them, but I never feel oppressed as a “minority”. With them, I saw a richer and more beautiful world. Diversity, equality, respect… These values took root and sprouted in my heart unconsciously. They are important to me, and I want them to be respected and blessed when they meet someone who is in love and chooses to enter into marriage.
I hope they have the same choice in this matter as I do.
I know that the marriage system has a lot to criticize, but I hope that someday we can find a better way. This better approach might start with equal rights to same-sex marriage. From the origin of the marriage system, the marriage system declares the exclusive right of “sex” through a ceremony. At that time women were not treated as individuals, but as private property and dependencies of their husbands. Even now, the economic and social status of women has improved, and the marriage system is still unfriendly to women, and it is still strengthening the oppression of women. If the marriage system does not change monogamy, how can it go for the better?
Monogamy also plays a role in gay intimacy, seeing a same-sex couple and someone asks, “Who plays the male role and who plays the female role in your relationship?” It sounds absurd, but there are many Same-sex couples are imitating the way heterosexual men and women get along. They are divided into “T” “P” or “1” “0”… It seems that there must be someone outside and someone inside. Turns out I had the same idea. Until later, a gay friend replied: “Why do we have to have male or female roles in our relationship? We are all independent individuals. It’s good for two people to love each other and get along as equals.” At that moment, as a heterosexual I I suddenly realized that in most heterosexual relationships, the roles of men and women are fixed. Whether it is the active party during the pursuit, or the family division of labor after the relationship is established… The relationship mode of many same-sex couples deconstructs the inherent relationship mode of heterosexuality in my mind, and sees more possibilities and broader space for relationships.
I am sincerely grateful to my gay friends. Under their influence, I have gained more gender perspectives and have a different vision of intimacy. I’m becoming more aware of what I think is important in a relationship. Later, I met my current boyfriend. In the process of getting along with him, we pay more attention to the “mutual respect and equality” in the relationship, and we will also be vigilant about the “male-dominated society”‘s norms for men and women, and do housework through negotiation, regardless of the so-called “big man” and the definition of “good woman”. We try to break out of traditional “gender stereotypes” in our relationships as much as possible. In such a relationship, we can be more authentically ourselves, express our feelings and needs, and show our vulnerability and pride. Having broken free from the shackles of tradition, we can feel love and freedom in our intimate relationships.
I, who had no confidence in the marriage system, originally planned to be an unmarried family, so we also discussed whether we should continue to fall in love. Later, my mind changed. I was curious as individuals in the marriage system, can we continue to maintain freedom in our relationship? The boyfriend sees marriage as a long-term commitment to each other, and he wants to express his love through it. If the individual remains in love and freedom, the system cannot be a bondage either. We are all confident about it at the moment, so we are ready to get married.
Throughout the process, we also tried to challenge the form and content of certain traditional marriages. We told our parents separately that we didn’t need to propose, and we weren’t going to have a wedding, a “father-husband handover ceremony” or something like that. At least now we believe that we can create better possibilities in our marriage in the future. Even if this relationship cannot continue in the future, in our hearts, we will not be detracted from this marriage in the slightest.
Writing this, I feel more and more that my growth is inseparable from my gay friends, and I wish them happiness. If for some gay couples, they want to use marriage to carry the promise of love between both parties, then I hope everyone has the same opportunity to make the choice they want.
The biggest significance to me of legalizing same-sex marriage is:
I hope that gay love will be seen and accepted more, and there is no need to hide or be bullied because of sexual orientation.
I hope that there will no longer be homosexuals who marry the opposite sex because of fear of discrimination, and that there will be no more “same wife” or “same husband” in this world.
I want everyone to have the opportunity to choose the kind of life he wants, and there is no right or wrong in love.